I am writing this blog based on observing the interactions of women in my life. Past and current. Well for the most part I have great relationships with the women I am surrounded with but I find in building new relationships, there comes a lot of misunderstanding and miscommunication. Although we (women) claim that we want understanding and communication -we tend to avoid these very things. Some women either try to avoid issues, choose not to face issues or they want to create issues. It's ironic how men are labeled as the dominant and alphas but women have the same mentality. You do have many that want to see you succeed and do well…just not better than them. You get the back biting and the backstabbing (or what I call closeted hating). Even if a woman isn’t doing the hating, gossiping or the back stabbing, they are listening to it. Listening to it is almost as bad as spreading it. What is it that is so irresistible that holds your attention? And why are these people so comfortable as to share these negative feelings with YOU? Often times, women who claim to be so supportive of each other are still quick to believe he said she said – they allow rumors to cloud their feelings even if they are unfounded or uncharacteristic.
This is why I keep my team very tight. It simply becomes a headache if you work with or deal with the wrong ones. In my field, I often hear that you can’t work with women for too long or you can’t work for them either. It has been proven to be challenging and, in some cases, unpleasant. But is this a myth or reality? It seems a little bit of both for various reasons. Certainly, women can indeed work together. It takes the right dynamic as with any relationship or team. It also takes security, communication and confidence. When one lacks these things, it makes it easy for doubt and issues to creep in. Women are generally viewed as nurturers and relationship builders. When we do not work well together, this is shocking to others and serves to fuel the myth. However a study found that 40 percent of workplace bullying comes from women and 70 percent of the time she has a female target. This, too, fosters perceptions about conflict amongst women. It doesn't surprise me at all. Sadly, these constant conflicting impulses can make a woman become their own worst enemy. It usually isn't realized until it's too late and at the expense of a friendship or relationship. We shouldn't have to lose to gain or try to sabotage others to highlight our brilliance. isn't it better to shine together than alone?
You often hear women say they prefer the company and friendships with men over that with men –I once felt this way. I had to change my thinking in order to change the cycle. I have learned that preferences are usually grounded in experiences. Experiences are shaped by the ideologies of all persons involved. They are never arbitrary. Something that has happened or that was witnessed has impacted your thoughts and shaped your perceptions. This then impacts your current and future experiences which then shapes your preferences.
So how can women change the way working women are viewed?
• Stop gossiping/Stop listening to gossip
• Stop sabotaging relationships/ Build them
• Stop judging
• Stop living up to the myth/Break the cycle
• Stop making it personal/ Everything isn’t about you
• Stop being untruthful/Speak your mind and learn to effectively communicate
• Stop assuming / Always go to the source
