THAT AIN'T HOT!

HELLO FASHION BUGS! It’s been a minute since I’ve unleashed a new word beast on you so I figure there is no time like the present! It’s been a busy couple of months! As you know I am in the process of planning the next Nilanjo! Fashion Entertainment event – RED HOT! PRE-MOTHER’S DAY FASHION BASH on May 12, 2012. Designing, sewing, planning, delegating, funding, organizing – takes a lot out of a woman. Thankfully I have a great team behind me! My last couple of blog pieces has been about what men and women feel is hot about the opposite sex. I try to include social aspects to my blogs when I can. It was fun compiling information from my friends and picking their brains. I was just wondering if women and men share similar thought processes. Ok-- that experiment is done and this is a fashion blog, people. So I thought I’d now throw in my usual fashionable two cents....I am a designer after all….what did you expect? I know some people will read this shake their heads at me later – some will take it personal. Oh well. I’m not sorry for what I’m about to say. You can leave my blog spot if you don’t like it. WITH THAT BEING SAID, here we go: I have some issues with the fashion crimes committed. It seems to be a daily occurrence to see faux pas and from people of an age who should know better. Who told you all it was cute to wear the entire animal kingdom all at one time? Yes I know animal print is still in but it should be worn in doses and tastefully. I saw a young lady in leopard print leggings and bag (in a smaller print), a zebra print top, and giraffe print boots … FOR REAL? I'm just saying, Girlfriend if a cougar jumps out of the bushes and attacks you because it mistook you for a wildlife buffet, don’t get mad. If you are rocking the dress and shoes in leopard - leave it at that. Do not do matching hats, bags, eye lashes and leggings - yes I said eyelashes. Pick one pattern. Keep it simple. Please. That’s all I’m saying. I also have a beef with women wearing leggings all the time, especially plus size women. I get that they are comfortable and yes they look cute with select outfits but it gets old when you wear them all the time. I mean where is the variety and the effort? You wear leggings to the market then want to wear them to work out- then you have a pair you wear on dates…..and then you have a pair for the club. That’s so not hot. Oh and I really need you all to learn the difference between leggings and tights. If you skin can be seen through the fabric or if they have a control top line at the top part of them, they are tights- which means they were MEANT TO BE WORN UNDERNEATH SOMETHING. Also stop getting mad when you dudes check out your booty. You know you have a dunk, then you are wearing leggings with a short shirt – what do you expect them to do when you have it out there for all to see? And why would you wear colored panties under white leggings...or any thin white colored anything? I need that one explained thoroughly but I know no one knows why and so that will be an unanswered, shaking my damn head moment in fashion. Moving on... Can we talk about bras? Ladies if you’ve been wearing bras for more than 10 years of your life, I expect that you have figured out your correct size by now. If your straps are digging into your shoulders or digging into your back so badly that it creates a roll that you don’t even have or if the damn things slides into a roll you do have and sits right up on in there emphasizing said roll OR if your boob doesn’t stay securely into the cups of the bras…yeah it’s the wrong size. And if your boobs are fuller than a B cup, sorry Love, you cannot buy $8.99 bras from Tellos and expect any king of support or coverage. And strapless bras do not support big boobs unless you have implants. Furthermore adjust your damn straps. The purpose of the bra is to support and lift. If you have on a bra and you boobs are still touching your belly button -- there is a problem. Stop acting naive. Stop being cheap. Stop being lazy. Handle your undergarments responsibly. Since we are talking about bras – we gotta discuss this one thing about panties. If your skirt sits right under your booty cheeks, please wear panties. In addition to that learn how to sit properly in your extra short dresses and skirts if you’re going to wear them and make sure your panties coordinate with the outfit. At least if you have on a black dress and you are wearing black panties and someone somehow gets a flash – they may be drunk enough to be fooled into thinking they saw a part of your dress and not your undies… I'm being so serious right now. Your are not Brittany Spears of Paris Hilton. No one is paying $2million for your crotch shot. Be a lady, please. Ladies the heels: if you can’t walk in them, don’t wear them. I was at the club one night and this chick could not even balance herself in her 6 inch platform heels. She was holding on for dear life, grasping the edge of the bar as she walked or was holding on to her friend for support. I tell you right now, if you can’t walk in your heels and you are going out with me, do not hold on to me. I will not help you. You need to suffer and hurt so you know not to wear them things again. Now me? I wear heels all the time but I know my limit. I do not wear heels taller than 4 inches. I’m only 5’3” – after 4 inches, I got that Barbie doll tip toe foot thing going on and won’t be able to walk. Secondly, I test my shoes before I wear them out to see how long I can work em. I have 4 hour heels, 8 hour heels, all day heels and “these were meant to be seen not worn” heels. I like to dance when I am out so 6 inches on the dance floor ain’t happening. And it ain't hot when you look like a newborn deer trying to learn how to walk for the first time.. wobbly wobbly NOT! Ok this one isn’t a fashion issue but why do women get a drink from the bar then park their asses on the dance floor and sip it slowly in a group of other slow sipping females then look at other women weirdly when they actually want to dance on the ummmm DANCE FLOOR? Help me out with that one. The dirty looks for no reason AIN'T HOT! These wigs and weaves in these "unique" styles and colors.... when did they become a part of professional, work place attire? Some of these styles are borderline Shenaenae (from Martin), comical. And women over 40 are rocking them. I mean Shirley Temple extensions in two pigtails in hot pink and electric purple streaks is not cute on a grandmother of 3...and if your hair is natural, you cannot just throw a few pieces of straight weave in it ...and can you make sure your hair color blends into it...and if you decide to rock a wig, please make sure its straight when you put it on and suits you. Not everything is for everyone. Don't be mad at me, be mad at your hair dresser. I'm just telling you what's up. OK before I go in on this one, let me say this: I am so proud of my homegirls out there on the weight loss fast track! Get it, girls! But I really need you to not let the weight loss take you on that oh so typical ego trip to What-the-hell-was-she-thinking-ville where you all get happy that you are smaller and then go and buy something you know your body isn’t ready for you to wear yet. Cat suits, spandex, cut outs, etc can only be worn by a very select few well-bodied women and look good on them. I need you all to embrace yourselves with the hard truth and conduct you "new body" clothes shopping realistically. And if you had to maneuver yourself into the outfit, cut off circulation when you wear it for too long, can’t eat a full meal when wearing said outfit or can only wear it when you’re not dealing with the monthly bloat monster…it’s not your size, Boo. Putting 2 tons of trash in a 16 oz trash bag is a bad idea right? Same thing applies here. Oh and fellas - the sagging pants, the sagging SKINNY JEANS....the belt strategically placed under your butt so I can see your plaid boxers...the fact that you have to walk a certain way just to keep these sagging suckers up... It's not a fashion statement - it's ugly. It ain't hot. Ok and my older men rocking this same style -- what is wrong with you? At what age do you stop roaming the streets in do rags, sagging jeans, size 5x t shirts when you only wear a Large..at what age is the cut off for this wackness? Keeping it real my ass -- it ain't hot. You too must grow up, Peter Pan. And why are you wearing a do rag when your hair is nappier than Buckwheat's? I thought that was for keeping up waves and fresh braids? Did something change and no one made me hip? Tell me what's up -- it's ok to school me. I think I said enough for now. The bottom line is if any of this pertains to you, then it ain't hot. And if it pertains to someone you know then be a good friend and let them know if it doesn’t flatter them – they may not have a clue. Some do and just think they’re hot anyway. For them, we let them get what they get. Can’t lead all divas to fashion bliss -- they gotta find it on their own. Please remember....This is not judgment folks, this is WTFment. See you later Fashion Bugs! I got some designing to do.