Selfishness: We All Do It

Selfishness: We All Do It

How many times have you called a friend to see how they were doing but you actually just wanted to talk about YOU and YOUR problems?


How many times have you started a new relationship and left your ‘friend” on the outs but as soon as things went the wrong way, you ran back expecting that same friend to be there for you?


How many times have you forgotten to call back or return a text when someone just says ‘hello” or ‘good morning” but got mad when your call to them went unanswered?


How many times have you asked your introvert friend to go out to a club or crowded place to hang out because it was what YOU wanted to do?


How many times have you told other people that you didn’t know what was ‘wrong” with your friend or roommate because they decided they are tired of how you treat or mistreat them?



The problem is no one ever wants to look at the cause of the effect, especially when they are the actual cause. You cannot expect people to continue accepting selfish behavior. I’m an advocate for communication, especially amongst those you truly care about. However, I don’t believe in repetitive conversations with adults. It’s one thing to acknowledge certain behaviors but when you fail to change, you create a need for the other person to react. I always say I cannot change people but I can change how I deal with them. Some find that to be a valid philosophy and are even amused when I apply it to certain people. Yet it isn’t a popular reaction when it is applied to them.


When you ask someone how they are doing, allow them to fully answer. Then ask a follow up question. Don’t ask anticipating an opportunity to take over the conversation. Listen and respond. Friends should have genuine interest in each other’s lives. Conversations should be fluid and effortless. There are people I know who call me with the guise of ‘girl, how are you doing today”? But as soon as I get the word “fine” out of my mouth, the conversation quickly turns into “me..my…mine…I”. I truly believe as a woman, I have to allow other women to shine. As a designer, I have to deal with groups of women all the time. There is always someone trying to one up the other or seeking attention –whether negative or positive. I have actually had to tell females I deal with to have appropriate conversations because they go so far to the left with their personal business once they have an audience. They don’t notice that they are making others feel uncomfortable or fail to consider how it may affect me and my business. They only care about themselves, in that moment. It’s just an ugly look.


Let me give you another example: It’s your friend’s birthday. You are out on the town with a few other friends. The birthday girl is looking her best and dancing the night away. All of a sudden everyone starts singing HAPPY BIRTHDAY – now all eyes are on her. One of the“friends” at the outing decides to twerk to the beat of the song and carry on her own chant over the festivities. She sees it as being the life of the party….others see it as a blatant attempt to shift attention. Seriously….This really happens. I’ve seen it and I’ve experienced it. My question is why can’t we all respectfully exist and allow each other to have a moment?


There is also the lack of compromise in friendships these days. Let’s revisit the introvert scenario. You as an extrovert cannot expect your introvert friend to always want to go to the club with you or hang out with your extrovert friends. This creates anxiety and discomfort for an introvert. After a while, they just won’t hang out with you because you don’t get them. Often times, introverts are labeled as depressed and anti-social. This isn’t the case at all. They just enjoy doing different activities and do not want to be the center of attention – ever. As friends, you have to be able to do things you BOTH enjoy, like shopping, going out to eat, a spa day, etc. And when you go out, you can’t monopolize the conversation about yourself either. It is a shared time involving the both of you.


If you’re a person that is consumed by whomever you are dating, chances are you have a set of friends that have fallen off a little bit or maybe a lot. I know this girl that does this all the time. Every time I've suggested we go to a movie, she’d tell me she had to check to make sure her man didn’t want to see that movie with her first. Or if I suggested we hang out, she’d cancel or couldn’t commit because her man made plans for them and would ask me to reschedule. Hold up? You and I had plans first, how do you ask ME to reschedule? Anyway, it was a more often than not occurrence. I eventually blew up, we had a tiff, we squashed it but still til this day.... I barely ask her to kick it. Past experience has conditioned me not to bother with an effort. I could have gotten mad at her man, thinking he is pulling her away from me. But I learned quickly that he didn’t even know a lot of the time that she already had plans. Understand, I’m married. I’ve been through that “my man is my world” thing – I am still in it but there has to always be balance. Not everyone is going to be patient with you as you find that balance –that’s if you are even attempting to find that balance. It is an issue especially if this is what you do every time you enter a relationship. We are getting too old for certain things.

Now I am guilty of a few things. I am bad with answering texts or calls right away. There is a reason. Sometimes I just forget. Last week, my best friend in Detroit (what's up 313!)called me up to say hello. I loved hearing her voice! Still, I didn’t call her back for days because in my mind I had a dialogue with her – yes I hold conversations in my head and don’t judge me for my insanity. This is an example of a mistake of the mind. BUT often times, I am selective about who I talk to or call back. I dread some conversations. I just don’t want to hear about what your man, cousin, mother, sister, or baby daddy did to you especially since you aren’t going to correct the problem. Or deal with someone asking me for advice only to respond with how no one understands (because I am one of those people who don’t understand). I don’t want to hear people brag about what they’ve got, how they got it, or what they plan to get, etc. Don’t get me wrong, I am happy to share in people’s accomplishments…but not every single time I see or speak to a person. I am a happy go lucky person. It annoys me to hear someone complain every time I see them. I get caught up in routines and monotony like everyone else. I’m also always tired. I do 1 million things a day including talk on the phone, attend a barrage of meetings and answer over 100 emails a day. Then I go home to my family, do homework, check homework and work on my craft. Time management is my best friend. I just don’t have the energy or the time for a ME ME ME conversation. That may also be selfish of me …but damn it, I’ll own that. I’m just saying. Just don’t ask about me if you really don’t want to hear about me.



There are bigger things going on in the world and within other people’s lives. We forget to step outside of ourselves and look at how someone else may be feeling or how they are really doing. We get so caught up in what is going on with ourselves. Its ok to be excited by new love, new progresses or need a shoulder to lean from time to time. Just doing forget that everyone doesn’t share the same views on love, they may be stagnant in their life’s progress or may be masking their own set of issues and therefore can’t stomach a one-sided conversation – at least not all the time.
Now this is just me. I’m speaking from my perspective. Take it with a grain of salt. But we all are guilty of some things…some of us more than others. Maybe we need to just be more conscious of it.



Thanks for reading! Share if you are so moved to do so.



Nika L A Jones Hollingsworth

Wear It...Well!

Hey Ladies -- Spring is here! Are you ready to break out the fun, new fashions and put away the bulky coats, heavy boots and layers and layers of clothes? Well before you get all excited and run outside in the latest and season's greatest, let's make sure you are ready to wear it and wear it well!

Please wear your correct size. Tight clothing on a plus sized body will exaggerate your weight. Better, get clothing that will fit you and forget about the size tag. No one cares or even has to know if you are a size 12 or a size 21. The fit is what matters and what flatters. That may mean you need to start wearing a larger size than you “think” you wear.


Don’t go too baggy either. Stop with the flowy, flutter sleeved moo moos! The style is comfy but don’t make it an everyday staple. Most curvier women choose oversize clothing to hide their body. But the truth is they are only drawing more attention to their body. Your clothes must skim your body, no matter what your size or shape.




Don’t wear the entire animal. I love animal prints but you can’t wear them from head to toe. Pick a top or a bottom then make sure everything else is solid. You leopard print dress will be darling with a red clutch and red shoes – you don’t have to wear matching shoes, headband, purse, coat etc.

Feel free to wear color but wear them correctly. Color is an amazing tool to camouflage weight. Dark colors recede and light colors advance if you wear dark, solid colors on your heavy parts those parts will look smaller.
Which brings me to avoiding too much detail…. If you have an extra helping of booty that you are trying to downplay, you should not buy jeans with studs, embroidery or anything else jazzing up the rear pockets. At the same time, if your upper arms are beefy, a short sleeved top with sleeves that end at the thickest part of your arm is going to make them look heavier. Busy prints should be avoided. Also frills and busy fabrics aren’t flattering. Instead they give you a childish look. It’s better to wear clean cuts and classic design that can make you have a chic and elegant appearance.


One Size does not fit all. I keep seeing these loud, printed leggings that lie and say ONE SIZE FITS ALL – Lies! All lies! I don’t care how much spandex is in that fabric, it is not for everyone. A little goes a long way. Don't just tag along with the current trend. Make sure it is right for your shape and lifestyle.


Accessories can make or break an outfit. Layering accessories is great but don’t over accessorize. Make sure your pieces are cohesive. Mixing metals is ok but they should have something in common to tie them together such as style or finish.


Overdoing the make-up is another no-no. I love seeing a great make up job on a woman. But I am equally annoyed when I see women over do it by wearing 3 or more shades of eye shadow as if they are a walking rainbow. Subtlety goes a long way. Too much make up can age you and can also make you look a bit clownish. Blending is always key. Picking colors that work for you is also important.



When you come across clothing that looks good on you, buy and stick with it! If you bought a gorgeous dress that is perfect for your figure then buy more than one, but in other colors. The same goes for skirts, pants and blouses. A woman should always have staple pieces. This does not mean buy 10 of the same dress. It means buy a classic black one and maybe another in a different shade.



Crop tops have made a fierce comeback! Not everyone is wearing it properly. The right way is to show just a little sliver of skin. Even if you have a belly issue, a high waist pant or skirt with your crop top is still flattering and fashionable. When your top is too cropped and you show too much skin, no matter your size, it takes away from the class appeal.

For my plus size and top heavy divas, wear tops that are longer. If you have a belly that you don’t want to show off, cover it up. If your boobs are on the large side, you will need more fabric to appropriately cover your torso. A longer top also elongates your body and makes you look slimmer.



Make sure you are wearing the right bra size. Every day I see women adjusting their bras, or walking around with 4 boobs because the cup is too small, or creating extra rolls in their back because the width is too tight, or their boobs are spilling out altogether. Worst is when they are wearing a bra and it offers no supports. If you have on a bra, your breasts should not still peek out from the bottom of your shirt. I exaggerate to make this point: INVEST IN A GOOD BRA! Getting professionally measured and investing in a great bra can go a really long way in making your body look much slimmer. Also, choosing the right shape wear is really important as it will smooth out your body, add definition to your curves. In short, it will reduce and enhance all the right parts.



Take proper advantage of high and low waist apparel. With wearing a high-waist dress with a slimmer waistline, you will accentuate your curves better. You can even use a belt to help cinch your waist. On the other side, if you’re wearing pants, a lower waist could be a better choice. Wearing pants which will sit lower on your hips would help to hide your belly.



However this isn’t always the case with jeans. Wear jeans that fit -- correctly. If you have a muffin top and it is visible in regular cut jeans, chances are low rise jeans aren’t right for you. You may also like a close fit but that close fit will also come with discomfort, pinches and an unflattering look overall. And when your jeans slide down, don’t pull down your shirt. Pull up your jeans, and then pull down your shirt. Wearing the right size and style eliminates this issue altogether



Let’s talk about belts and how to wear them correctly. The middle waist is the most common area where women wear their belt. The middle waist is also known as the smallest part of your waist. The belt will cinch and accentuate your natural waistline. If you have a bulky middle section and an undefined waist, this doesn't mean that belts are off-limits for you but you have to be extra careful on the placement of the belt. Immediately under your breasts means the belt is sitting atop your stomach, which only makes your tummy look bigger or make you look pregnant.. A wide belt on your middle waist is usually the best look. Be sure to stick to dark or neutral colors and simple designs. Loud colors and complex designs will only call attention to your stomach. Over tightening the belt is also an issue especially for curvier women. The mistake is in trying to look slimmer by overly tightening the belt. If you are particularly curvy with a lot of bulge around your waist, tightening your belt too much will just make you look worse. It will cause layers of fat to bunch up below and above the belt, resulting in a very unflattering look. One exception to this rule is when you are wearing a top that is loose enough to hide the imperfections in your middle section. Still, don't tighten your belt too much, as you might cut off your circulation. Fashion doesn’t always have to hurt or be uncomfortable.

I constantly talk about being able to walk in your shoes. I won’t go completely in on this but it is important to your look. Wear shoes you can walk in. Not everyone can rock 7 inch stilettos or heel-less platforms. Know your limitations and embrace the insurmountable shoe options out today. Wear what works for YOU.



That’s it for my fashion tips today – Hope you enjoyed reading! It is better to be remembered than it is to simply be seen. You want to be remembered for the right reasons. So enjoy fashion - Just make sure you wear it and wear it well!

Working It Out: The Quest to Being My Best

I'm working on myself a lot more these days. I am drinking more water, trying to relax more, making sure I don't do things or deal with people that bring me stress and trying to get into better financial health. Health...yeah that too. I need to work on being healthier. Healthier food choices has helped me lose some pounds but I'm not concerned with weight loss. I just want to be healthier and more active. It's going to be a challenge and a process but I'm game; are you?

My husband rides his bicycle endlessly. He even does indoor training in the winter twice a week. He does yoga as well. I don't know how he does it sometimes. Me? I'm not so active. I work, write, sew, etc -- I'm centered into brain power. But there needs to be a balance in brain and body. I do realize this. And don't get me wrong, I do get some pillates in a couple times a week and soon I'll be adding more cardio. I'm becoming more and more motivated. It's necessary, especially a woman approaching my 40's. Ladies, did you know regular exercising can help tame menstrual cramps and help prevent blood clots? It also helps us absurb more calcium and iron - things we lose as we get older and less active.

I started a self-awareness campaign called REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES. I have curves and love them -- and I'm not promoting unhealthy habits or encouraging obesity. I am encouraging women to love who they are -- But if you love yourself, you'll take care of yourself so you look as well as feel good. I have had a million reasons not to work out but now that those reasons no longer exist (even when they did exist I could have done something), I am focused. Now this lil blog may help you start being more active and healthier too and you can do it — no matter what your size!

Why should you be active?

Being physically active may help you live longer and protect you from:

• diabetes

• heart disease and stroke

• high blood pressure and hyper-tension

• osteoporosis (a disease leading to weak bones that may break easily)


If you have any of these health problems already, being physically active may help control or improve your symptoms. Activity helps your body process foods better and help absorb vital nutrients. Regular physical activity helps you feel better because it:

• lowers your stress and boosts your mood

• increases your strength

• helps control blood pressure and blood sugar

• helps build healthy bones, muscles, and joints

• helps your heart and lungs work better

• improves your self-esteem.

I'm all above that self esteem boost -- feeling better leads to more confidence afterall. Sometimes we start a regimen and it isn't easy. You feel so out of shape you get defeated before you can really give it a fighting chance. Pat yourself on the back for trying even if you don't reach your work out goal first time. I said first time because you aren't going to quit. It'll get easier the next time, you just have to keep at it:

• Start slowly. Your body needs time to get used to your new activity. Don't compare yourself to anyone else -- everyone has their own level of fitness.


• Warm up. Warm-ups get your body ready for action. Shrug your shoulders, tap your toes, swing your arms, or march in place. You should spend a few minutes warming up for any physical activity— even walking. Walk more slowly for the first few minutes.


• Cool down. Slow down little by little. If you have been walking fast, walk slowly or stretch for a few minutes to cool down. Cooling down may protect your heart, relax your muscles, and keep you from getting hurt.


• Set goals. Set short-term and long-term goals. A short-term goal may be to walk 5 minutes at least 3 days for 1 week. It may not seem like a lot, but any activity is better than none. A long-term goal may be to walk 30 minutes on most days of the week by the end of 6 months.


• Get support. Get a family member or friend to be active with you. It may be more fun, and your buddy can cheer you on. I'm going to start doing Yoga with Hubby on Saturday mornings. Being active AND bonding! And I might join my homegirl's Zumba class --


• Track your progress. Keep a journal of your physical activity. You may not feel like you are making progress but when you look back at where you started, you may be pleasantly surprised! I keep a diary of my blood pressure and weight loss -- I've been working to keep both down. I also make note of heightened feelings of stress so I can track common factors.


I find that is very important to have fun. Once something becomes work, you tend to not want to do it. Some of us have that will power to work out no matter what. To those just starting or gettiing back into a routine tend to need extra motivation. When the activity is fun, that is the only motivation you really need. Try different activities to find the ones you really enjoy such as:


• Weight-bearing activities, like walking, dancing and even golfing, which involve lifting or pushing your own body weight.


• Do non-weight-bearing activities, like swimming and water workouts, which puts less stress on your joints because you do not have to lift or push your own weight. If your feet or joints hurt when you stand, non-weight-bearing activities may be best for you.


• Try lifestyle activities, like gardening & planting, which do not have to be planned.

Playing in the park with your kids is physical activity and isn't hard or boring...build a snowman in the winter or go sledding. I enjoy playing in the leaves in the fall -- my alergies are less and the air is crisp (great for your lungs). Anything that gets you moving around— even for only a few minutes a day— is a healthy start to getting more fit. Chances are your doctor will be pleased with your decision to start an activity. Oh and get this....Did you know stretching is exercise too? Yoga is actually a surprising work out. So is pillates!


Stretching can help you:

• become more flexible

• feel more relaxed

• improve your blood flow

• keep your muscles from getting tight after doing all of those other physical activities (lol)

I do a lot of stretching exercises to help tame tight joints and to keep my blood cirulatiing. You do not have to set aside a special time or place to stretch. At home or at work, stand up, push your arms toward the ceiling, and stretchhhhhh. Stretch slowly and only enough to feel tightness— not until you feel pain. That can cause cramping (trust me, I know. Try to hold the stretch for about 30 seconds - and don't bounce. Stretching also wakes up your muscles -- it is a great warm up.

Yoga, pillates and tai chi are types of stretching. They help you breathe deeply, relax, and get rid of stress.

Your local gym or YMCA may offer yoga, tai chi, or other stretching classes. You may want to start with "gentle" or beginners class though if you've never tried them before -- again, it is a work out!

I hope you find this note useful. Speaking as someone who needs a kick in the rear to get in gear, I wanted to share some of my thoughts and findings. Sharing is caring afterall!

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Nilanjo!© Fashion Entertainment

Nilanjo!© is a fashion firm located in Boston, Massachusetts solely created and coordinated by designer and stylist, Nika L. A. Jones Hollingsworth. Nilanjo! specializes in innovative design, trend setting fashion, and custom creations for women sizes 2 to 22. We take pride in our unique structure and can guarantee that we are not your typical fashion firm. Nilanjo!© models truly represent all sizes and are everyday, real women of all ages...whether students, mothers, or working class individuals...they are there to inspire; not intimidate.

Nilanjo!© Fashion Entertainment is focused on providing classy yet sassy fashion events that differ from any ever experienced - We strive to exceed your expectations and gain your interest and continued support by combining fashion, entertainment and music. All events showcase women's fashions by Nika L. A. Jones Hollingsworth, the founder & event coordinator for Nilanjo! ©

Women & Conflicts

I am writing this blog based on observing the interactions of women in my life. Past and current. Well for the most part I have great relationships with the women I am surrounded with but I find in building new relationships, there comes a lot of misunderstanding and miscommunication. Although we (women) claim that we want understanding and communication -we tend to avoid these very things. Some women either try to avoid issues, choose not to face issues or they want to create issues. It's ironic how men are labeled as the dominant and alphas but women have the same mentality. You do have many that want to see you succeed and do well…just not better than them. You get the back biting and the backstabbing (or what I call closeted hating). Even if a woman isn’t doing the hating, gossiping or the back stabbing, they are listening to it. Listening to it is almost as bad as spreading it. What is it that is so irresistible that holds your attention? And why are these people so comfortable as to share these negative feelings with YOU? Often times, women who claim to be so supportive of each other are still quick to believe he said she said – they allow rumors to cloud their feelings even if they are unfounded or uncharacteristic. This is why I keep my team very tight. It simply becomes a headache if you work with or deal with the wrong ones. In my field, I often hear that you can’t work with women for too long or you can’t work for them either. It has been proven to be challenging and, in some cases, unpleasant. But is this a myth or reality? It seems a little bit of both for various reasons. Certainly, women can indeed work together. It takes the right dynamic as with any relationship or team. It also takes security, communication and confidence. When one lacks these things, it makes it easy for doubt and issues to creep in. Women are generally viewed as nurturers and relationship builders. When we do not work well together, this is shocking to others and serves to fuel the myth. However a study found that 40 percent of workplace bullying comes from women and 70 percent of the time she has a female target. This, too, fosters perceptions about conflict amongst women. It doesn't surprise me at all. Sadly, these constant conflicting impulses can make a woman become their own worst enemy. It usually isn't realized until it's too late and at the expense of a friendship or relationship. We shouldn't have to lose to gain or try to sabotage others to highlight our brilliance. isn't it better to shine together than alone? You often hear women say they prefer the company and friendships with men over that with men –I once felt this way. I had to change my thinking in order to change the cycle. I have learned that preferences are usually grounded in experiences. Experiences are shaped by the ideologies of all persons involved. They are never arbitrary. Something that has happened or that was witnessed has impacted your thoughts and shaped your perceptions. This then impacts your current and future experiences which then shapes your preferences. So how can women change the way working women are viewed? • Stop gossiping/Stop listening to gossip • Stop sabotaging relationships/ Build them • Stop judging • Stop living up to the myth/Break the cycle • Stop making it personal/ Everything isn’t about you • Stop being untruthful/Speak your mind and learn to effectively communicate • Stop assuming / Always go to the source

WERKING THE HEELS

Yes I know I know I know....I'm late. It's been a busy Fall...sorry. When fashion calls, I must answer! Well no more waiting - here it is. This blog is about one of my favorite topics: high heels. Oh how I love them! As much as I love wearing them, the topic also comes with a huge pet peeve: I hate when ladies buy high heels they can’t walk in or do not break in so they can walk in them properly. Or they just don’t have the dainty demeanor to pull them off and therefore look awkward. Don’t be that chick they shake their head at when you walk in the club. Don’t be a that “hold on” chick everyone laughs at (hold on as in you have to hold on to something or someone so not to bust your butt in the heels you know you shouldn’t have worn). I always say with good fashion comes a little pain and sacrifice. I mean most high heel shoe designs are not geared toward comfort. And that is why not everyone can wear 7 inch skyscraper heels. They make different heel heights for this reason. If you don’t wear them regularly how do you expect to get through an entire evening in them? I hate “the snail” chick. That is the chick that can’t lift her feet to take proper steps but instead has to drag her feet slowly so not to break her ankle. All you hear is her feet dragging and all I can think about is "you poor, poor shoe"! How do you wear heels properly? Well try this: *********************************************** Yes do take smaller steps but take steps none the less. Take small, slow steps, making sure not to bend your knees any more than you normally would. Don’t try to do a runway stomp. Just be you. You'll notice that high heels tend to shorten your stride naturally. The taller the heel, the shorter the stride ends up being. Don't try to fight this by taking bigger steps - stick with small, dainty steps which will make your walk look more natural and help you to feel more comfortable. ************************************************ Make sure you walk from heel to toe. The aim is to walk as normally as possible. When walking in flats, you don't walk on the balls of your feet or put your whole foot down at once. So don't do either of these things in heels. Put your heel to the ground first, followed smoothly by your toes. Then, once your weight is on the balls of your feet, shift your weight forward as if you're walking on your tip toes, and push forward for the next step. ************************************************ Improve your posture, Ladies. Walking well in heels is very dependent on maintaining good posture. First of all heels require confidence. So you can’t slouch. You also need to pick up your feet. Shuffling as you walk defeats the purpose of wearing heels in the first place - Do you want better posture? *Avoid looking down when walking in high heels! Put your shoulders back and down and keep your arms relaxed at your sides. Swing your arms slightly as you walk for balance. *Keep your abdominal muscles engaged, sucking your belly button towards your spine. This will help your stand up straighter while also making your look slimmer. Bend your knees slightly, never lock them when walking or standing in heels. *Keep your legs close together as you walk and point your toes directly ahead. ************************************************ Get your model on and pretend you’re walking along an invisible line. Models will often cross one foot slightly in front of the other to give their hips more sway. A lot of women wear heels to look sexy. Adding a little shimmy to your walk is a good thing. The best way to achieve a sway while walking in high heels is to pretend that you're walking down an imaginary straight line, or RUNWAY. Try this: *One foot should come down directly in front of the other, with your toes pointing straight ahead. *Look at some videos of models on Youtube.com to see how the professionals do it. Then in a mirror, try to emulate what you see. *Runway models tend to over-exaggerate their walk, so you may want to tone it down a little for real life. ************************************************ Always break in your heels. I tell my models to do this before each show – never wait last minute to buy your shoes so you have times to break them in before you want to wear them. If you fail to break in your heels before your first time wearing them, you'll be destined for blisters and pain. Breaking in your heels is important as it removes stiffness from the shoes and helps mold them to the shape of your feet. Just wearing your shoes around at home should be enough to break them in, but you can also try: *Exposing your heels to different surfaces: You will likely need to walk on tiled floors, carpets and slippery, wooden floors at some point in your high heel wearing, so try to master them all. *Dancing is the best way to break them in. Wear them out to the club or a party where you know you're going to dance or be standing for a long period time. *Walking down the stairs. You definitely need to work on this one - stairs are the worst! Make sure you place your entire foot on each step as you come down the steps, but only place the ball of your foot on each step as you go up. Hold onto that railing gracefully but for dear life, just in case. *********************************************** Practice wearing your heels around the house. Wear your heels for a day around the house before you wear them out. This will not only allow you to get used to wearing them, but it will also create scuffs on the bottom so that they're less slippery. You will also be able to tell if you will need shoe grips for the bottom of the shoes – they stick right on (don’t get the cheap ones that slide off within 2 hours though). *********************************************** Practice standing in heels. Not only do you need to learn how to walk in heels, but you should also be aware of how to stand in heels. It may sound simple, but many women just don't know what to do with their feet when posing for pictures or standing around chatting at an event. This is where having comfortable shoes becomes very important. You don’t want to spend your evening shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot….although this is what I do when I am hosting an event and can’t sit down. I move from foot to foot as if I am dancing (I am not my feel just hurt *To stand correctly in heels, stand with the heel of one foot touching the middle of the other foot, while cocked at an angle from it. *Put your weight on the toe of the foot in back, and as soon as that foot gets tired, switch feet so that your weight is on the other foot. ************************************************ Shop wisely. Not all high heels are created equal and the ability to walk well in high heels relies heavily on choosing the right ones. Try them on. I know online shopping is the thing now, but really try on your heels to see how they feel. If you shop in the stores, always go shoe shopping at the end of the day. That is when your feet are slightly swollen from walking and at their biggest. Pick shoes that are suited to the shape of your foot - making sure the shoe is wider than your bare foot. Always try both shoes on in the store and take a walk around - if you don't find them comfortable immediately, then you probably never will. *********************************************** Start small and work your way up. It's probably not a good idea to choose a pair of 4 inch stilettos if you're not used to walking in heels - it's better to work your way up, increasing the height as you get used to how they feel. There are many different types of heels to choose from, varying in height, thickness and shape. Training your feet by starting out with small heels will allow your ankles to develop the strength they need to walk safely and gracefully in high heels. Begin with a shoe that has a low heel of about 2-3 inches. Try to go for wider heels (rather than skinny spikes) because these will provide more balance. Closed-in shoes can also be easier to walk in than strappy sandals as they provide plenty of support over your foot and around the heel and ankle. *********************************************** High heeled wedges are the easiest high shoes to walk in, as the heel is fully attached to the sole of the shoe, giving you increased balance and comfort. These are a great option if you want the height of a high heel, but don't feel ready for a stiletto or if you can't wear a stilleto. They are best worn in spring and summer - to wear to work, on holidays or to a summer wedding! *********************************************** Now if you want to wear the mother of all heels. Stiletto heels are also referred to as "spike heels" and include anything with a heel above 3-4 inches. These are the final step in your high heel training - once you've mastered walking in these, you'll be ready to take on the world! Get the right size. Choosing the right size shoe is absolutely essential when buying high heels. Be aware that different brands of shoes may be sized quite differently, so you might be a 7 in one brand, but an 8 in another. ALDO is notorious for their weird sizing – they don’t do half sizes. As a result and once again - you should always, always try your shoes on before buying. ********************************************** When in doubt, always go for shoes that are slightly too big rather than slightly too small. You can always make big shoes smaller by adding insoles and cushions, but your can't make small shoes bigger. Shoes that are too small will be terribly uncomfortable and you'll probably regret buying them. Remember to have your feet sized regularly, as your shoe size can change over time, especially as you get older. Your feet tend to get longer and wider as your arches begin to fall. ********************************************** Use cushions and insoles. Add cushioning wherever there's a lot of pressure and/or friction. There are cushions made in various shapes and from different materials that you can stick on the inside of your shoe for more comfortable walking, thus preventing bunions and blisters. If your shoes are slightly too big and you find them slipping off your heel, get some insoles which can make the shoes smaller by half a size, while also adding comfort value. Use these innovative items generously - there's really no need for discomfort! *Give your feet a break. When wearing high heels, the best advice you can take to prevent pain is just to sit down whenever possible! This will give your feet a break and will stop any pain or discomfort from building, keeping your feet fresh. *Cross your legs, sit up straight and stretch out your legs from the waist down. This releases the tension from your feet. And is also a great opportunity to show off your fabulous shoes! *Try not to take your heels off…NEVER TAKE THEM OFF! I know we all do this at times but trust me your feet will swell up and your feet will hurt even more when you try to put them back on again. ********************************************** Wear strappy or platform shoes if you are not comfortable in heels. It's a cool way to cheat -- Shoes with straps create security. They go around your foot and ankle for a more comfortable fit and they prevent your foot from slipping around too much inside the shoe, reducing friction and pain (and blisters). Platform shoes give you all the benefits of extra height, without the discomfort of feeling like you're standing on your tippy toes. Your foot is more parallel to the ground in a platform shoe - making them a great option for nights at the club or galas where you're standing most of the time ********************************************* If you aren’t a pro, don't wear high heels too often. High heels look fabulous, but they will have more of an effect and give you extra something when you save them for special occasions. If you wear them too often, blisters and bunions are more likely to form and you will also put pressure on your lower back. Your feet (and the rest of your body) need some time to recover. ******************************************** Buy shoes for your body type. Not all heels work for all heights and weight. You don't want to be out on the town when your heel breaks from the stress of your weight. Plus size women may find getting that trendy thin heel is 1) hard to find 2) not a good idea. A chunkier heel, a wedge or plantform may be the best look. Heels now come in larger sizes and widths -- so do your homework and make sure you get what is right for YOU. ******************************************** If you need to wear heels for work at least try wearing different shoes with varying heights.This prevent too much pressure or friction from concentrating on one particular spot and keep your feet feeling fresh – ******************************************* And lastly, if you are wearing open toe or open back shoes, please do everyone a favor and get a pedicure. Make sure your shoes fit properly so your toes are not pushing out of your shoes or pushing out the back and hanging over the shoe. Fashion is all about experimenting but it’s the right execution that leaves them stunned and awed!

RANDOM THOUGHTS OF A FASHION DIVA

I've been sitting here all day trying to figure out the topic of this blog. Now in my comfy Hello Kitty pajamas, hair in a ponytail and sipping a cup of cream soda....I figured I'd just compose my inner ramblings and hopefully it results in some sort of sense to those who read it. I tend to type in the same manner in which I speak - so for those reading who know me personally, you will enjoy this regardless -- it is the truth. I toyed with fashion do's and don'ts but I have been there and done that. Then I thought about doing a piece on how to wear sheer clothing - one of this summer's hottest trends that almost everyone has all wrong.....then I thought about doing something on appropriate summer office attire. Yeah so let me just write about why all of these things come to mind. I am the first person to say there are no rules to fashion. I mean that no white after labor day theory and never wear black to a wedding - yadda yadda woo woo woo. There are exceptions to every rule - and a lot of these so called rules were made up by uptight older socialites that deemed themselves fashion authority. I'm over that stuff. But you do have to keep one rule in fashion etiquette prominent: Wear appropriate attire. What is appropriate is based on your body type, age and the place to which you are wearing said attire. _______________________________________________________________ Right now everyone is wearing high-low dresses -- the ones that are short in the front and long in the back....I have seen them with sandals, flips flops, skips and even boots. Rock it how you want it but please wear your appropriate size dress AND underwear. I shouldn't be able to see every bump and lump in the dress and if the front is just about up to your womanhood -- Honey, the dress doesn't fit properly. Sorry. Let's bring that to your maxi dress....there are many styles but the most common is the cotton one. A maxi dress can be casual enough to use as a beach cover up and it seems to be everyone's go to all purpose attire....if you're old enough to remember the "house dress" that your mama or grandma wore. That's the all purpose dress they'd throw on to go to the store, walk down to your school, wear around the house in case company came over....that's the equivalent to a maxi dress these days . Everyone wears them - so its no longer trendy. BUT it's comfortable. You have people wearing them so long that is sweeps the floor ... sweeps the side walk ....when they wear it which is nasty. Put a hem in that already or wear the damn dress with heels or wedges. If you're gonna wear flip flops with it then do something about the length or stop being so lazy that you don't want to try it on in the store to see if it's too long for you. I'm 5'3" -- everything is too long for me and I loathe trying on clothes in stores but I do what I have to do so that I look decent. Maxi dresses also come in dressier fabrics. And still you have women wearing them everywhere - with everything. I don't suggest wearing a satin maxi dress to an office. You will look like you are going to a wedding or cocktail party ---you can't then throw on that same classy maxi with a pair of flip flops and go to the movies. And speaking of flip flops....UGH. I get the comfort thing but you can't wear them with every thing and you can't wear them everywhere. They are definitely not appropriate for work unless you plan to change out of them and a big EWW to those who wear them outside in the rain. I can't imagine how good it can feel with rain water between your toes, along with the bugs, dirt, broken matter and debris all over the side walk getting onto the bottom of your feet. The same $1 flip flops you wear to the beach cannot be the same ones you wear to work or to Billy Bob's cocktail hour. Not a good look. They do make classier styles. The spandex dress has made a comeback and everyone is wearing it ....even Big Bertha and she is wearing it with a thong 3 times too small. Stop it. And grandma, stop it. Just because you still look good for your age does it mean you are supposed to wear what the young whipper-snappers are wearing. With age comes the fashion wisdom to dress age appropriately....and dress responsively. My Big Beautiful Divas , I don't care how much weight you lose, until your body is all the way right don't assault anyone's eyes by trying to wear a bodysuit, one piece anything, leotard or cat suit. Everyone that tells you it's hot is just laughing behind your back and saying to their friends "Girllll, did you see what she had the nerve to wear". Glad your confident but don't try so hard for people to notice you. Let them notice you for the right reasons versus the wrong reasons. Keep that with you for general purpose ....I'm telling you now, be sexy by being appropriate in your attire and in the way of which you carry yourself. _________________________________________________________________________________ Now ladies --- I have to go in once again on the leggings. I mean yall wear em all the time and even at the club. Half the time you wear them without panties with everything jiggling, every dimple waving hello, shirt too short and all. OR you wear them with undies that are too small--cutting into your booty cheeks or creating the illusion of a thong because it's so far up your butt that is what it has become.... or the leggings aren't really leggings, they are tights so they are so sheer we can see the color of your undies. Not to mention some women hike the leggings up so high they create that nasty camel toe -- or don't pull em up far enough now we have to see crack or extra belly rolls (because most do this then wear a short shirt with the damn leggings). Now help us all that these printed leggings are the thing now and everyone and literally their MAMA wants to wear them - everywhere. If you wanted to know the latest fashion trend you used to be able to just walk into the club and see it -- not now. Everyone is in leggings and they shop at the same stores for shoes -- so the trend there is non-existent too. I mean you will find ladies in shoes they can barely walk in , and they are standing around the dance floor hating on the ladies who can. That hasn't changed. And how I wished someone made instructions on how to wear the sheer trend -- just a hot mess times infinity with ladies in too small bras wearing a sheer shirt or ones wearing them to work without a tank or cami underneath it....and even if they wear that look to the club, do I really need to see your C-section scar - is that ever appropriate? Nope. ________________________________________________________________________________ Boston was voted one of the worst fashionable cities --- and I find that is because there are so many faux pas that it overshadows the stylish, extra fly, hot, trend setters that put on for our city but damn ladies. Alright I'm done. I have said what I've had on my mind . If it makes sense , if it's helpful, if you agree or disagree (if you disagree it's usually because you are guilty of something I've said and won't own that you may need to STOP IT)...I can only present my best fashion foot forward and this diva just calls it like she sees it and like she doesn't want to see it.

With that said - peep the pics on this blog. These ladies know how to work my designs at any size, with style and they both are oh so appropriate! Model Shirley Jones of Brooklym, NY and Plus Size Model Alicia Jarvis of Boston, Ma for Nilanjo! Fashion Ent. Make Up by VERO of Perennial Make-Up. Photos by D.A.H. Photos. Check out our latest promo and events at www.nilanjo617.com on our Events page